Author Topic: A Random Dragon Vignette  (Read 1275 times)

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September 08, 2017, 01:47:11 PM

Offline SoftGameHunter

Don't ask. This came from a discussion on another site, but since I insist on sharing everything...

A Random Dragon Vignette

Once upon a time in the land of Gueliphidichia, the people lived happy and prosperous lives, selling magic clam shells to both sides in the perpetual war between the goblins and the Keebler elves. One day their serenity was disturbed by a fire breathing dragon that descended upon them from the skies above. As they ran screaming, the mighty dragon, a hundred feet long, circled over their heads.

"Give me your most beauteous maiden, bronze-skinned and voluptuous, as naked tribute or I shall rain fire down upon all your lands!" the dragon roared. "You have six hours!"

He flew off, and the panicked Gueliphidichians scrambled to find their maiden for sacrifice. Immediately everyone knew that only the stunning Indariniaphelicia, daughter of Olafudrondinkonelly, could suffice. They found her hiding in terror under the floorboards of the distillery. Quickly the people dragged her off, stripped her naked, bathed her, and chained her to a stout pole at the top of Kilamarthiacooninan's Hill, outside the capital city. From a distance they watched as the mighty dragon descended upon her.

He was clearly happy. His dragonhood was fully extended under him as he landed and approached yon fair maiden, who fought mightily, screaming in terror. "Fear not, yon maiden," the dragon said to her. "I have come to make you my dragon mate. You shall sleep on beds spun of gold and dine on the finest feasts. Wealth exceeding one hundred of the richest kingdoms will be at your disposal for the rest of your life."

"Oh. Cool!" yon fair maiden said with a broad smile.

But then, as the horrified people looked on, yon dragon while gazing into the eyes of his human female betrothed suddenly was accursed of a single hiccup. In a flash of flame and a puff of smoke, she was gone.

"Accursed Vindaloo take-out!" The dragon cried. "Why do I keep ordering their Spicy Sanchez Special? Whenever shall I learn!" And then he took off and was gone forever.