Author Topic: Naughty Christmas Thread  (Read 23450 times)

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December 02, 2014, 09:45:26 PM

Offline Jed

OK folks with the holidays coming, lets see how we can get naughty instead of nice.

Post here any naughty cartoon, story, pic, joke or any other amusing or erotic Christmas themed item....and we will all be jolly.

"I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe....."

OK kid, then what happened?

December 02, 2014, 09:48:19 PM
Reply #1

Offline Plaything

   Sexual Night Before Christmas

Twas the night befor Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangey reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,
A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Woa Shithead, woa Asshole, woa Stupid, woa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jockies, to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay awhile"

He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several more things I shouldn't even mention.

A fuck ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."

He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home, Rudolf. This night's been a bitch!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about pussy is you can't wear it out!!"

December 03, 2014, 03:09:12 PM
Reply #2

Offline Fancy

Naughty Things You Can Only Say on Christmas

1.   Santa’s pole is pointed north
2.   Come over and play with my elf?
3.   Santa’s elf is waiting
4.   Do you want to come down my chimney?
5.   Want to lick my candy cane?
6.   I have a present for you…two lumps of coal
7.   I got the biggest package!
8.   I saved the biggest package for you
9.   Should i bring over some eggnog?
10. Come jingle my sleigh bells?
11. Just unwrapped your package
12. All she wanted was a white christmas
13. Don’t play with santa’s sac
14. Polish my ornaments
15. I’m going to make it reign all over you deer
16. Have you been naughty or nice?
17. I have a beautiful tree for you. where would you like me to stick it?
18. Ho ho ho!

December 04, 2014, 07:16:33 PM
Reply #3

Offline Plaything

December 04, 2014, 11:10:39 PM
Reply #4

Offline Tony V.

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Gladly, My Sweet Plaything.....


Tony V.       

December 05, 2014, 02:23:23 AM
Reply #5

Offline Jed

How to get passed over for promotion.

I actually remember seeing this one decades ago.

December 05, 2014, 03:28:03 AM
Reply #6

Offline Jed

What does this little girl want for X-mas?

December 05, 2014, 03:39:04 AM
Reply #7

Offline Jed

December 05, 2014, 03:40:54 AM
Reply #8

Offline Jed

How about hunting and then mounting those deer?

December 05, 2014, 04:37:59 AM
Reply #9

Offline Jed

I got some French mistletoe....

December 05, 2014, 04:40:25 AM
Reply #10

Offline Jed

Santa's little helper must be viagra.....

December 05, 2014, 04:47:32 AM
Reply #11

Offline Jed

December 05, 2014, 08:33:42 AM
Reply #12

Offline Plaything

Well, I think Jed is getting some serious Christmas spirit . . .

December 05, 2014, 09:31:19 AM
Reply #13

Offline Jed

Oh yeah?  Tell your mom to come sit here and I'll give you $5.

December 05, 2014, 09:33:21 AM
Reply #14

Offline Jed

Well don't get her pregnant Santa, although that might give her boobs.

December 05, 2014, 10:05:59 AM
Reply #15

Offline Jed

Her husband should be more careful how he phrases things....

December 05, 2014, 10:08:26 AM
Reply #16

Offline Jed

Santa just wants her bottom to match his suit....

By 'Ho, Ho, Ho' is guessing her profession?

December 05, 2014, 12:17:27 PM
Reply #17

Offline Dark

Wow Jed now we know how you spend your free time

December 05, 2014, 02:47:10 PM
Reply #18

Offline Jed

I couldn't sleep last night, so why not copy a bunch of vintage Playboy cartoons?

December 05, 2014, 09:49:37 PM
Reply #19

Offline Fancy

So you couldnt sleep last night and spent the night looking at vintage playboy magizines??  And what else did you do, when you weren't looking at cartoons Jed??