Author Topic: If I could be happy by Ararria  (Read 624 times)

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January 17, 2017, 09:50:32 PM

Offline Jed

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If I could be happy by Ararria

I can see it so clearly in my head. That is what makes it hurt so much.

 Iím in my bedroom, alone. My heart is racing a mile a minute. My hands tremble, not with tremors but with excitement. I can barely breathe as I look down at the box on my bed. Itís arrived, itís finally arrived. Just in time for the special day. I reach down and quickly cut through the tape and open it. I begin to cry. I shouldnít be happy. Not like this. But I am. I allow myself to forget as I squeal in delight.

I rush to the shower, and hop in. Quickly cleaning every nook and cranny, and washing my hair with Strawberry Suave. Itís cheap but I love the smell. Iíve always loved the smell of it. I rinse the soap off my body and step out of the hot shower. I feel clean. Good. Iím not. But I feel it and I donít chase the feeling away. I stand there a moment, dripping on the floor, as a true tremor runs through my hand. I will itself to stop, as if it is that simple. Not today. Instead, my now steady hand grabs the baby oil and I apply it all over my body, still damp. You never dry first. Always damp. Once done, I lightly pat my body with a towel. Hunting around the bathroom sink, I find my Victoriaís Secret Vanilla Lace perfume. Misting the air and walking through it. I donít want to reek, but itís another scent that is home if that even makes sense.

I head back into my room and over to my desk and quickly shove everything off of it. My old shitty computer, some clothes, some Mountain Dew bottles, all hit the floor. My computer makes a horrible crunching sound but I donít care. It doesnít matter. None of it matters as I search through my drawers to find my make up mirror. I drag it out and set it on the desk and suddenly I am crying. I only let myself cry for a moment though. No puffy eyes today. Not for who is coming. I steady my breathing and get out my makeup.
I use my eyeliner to accent just the slightest curl up to my eyes. Iíve never been one to goop on mascara and I wonít today. Just enough to make my lashes stand out better. I think about makeup and decide to use a hint of purple eye-shadow, just the lightest of accents. I use just some light concealer to even everything out. I probably donít need it, but I want, no I need to look my best. Then just the faintest bit of powder over that. Next comes my gloss. Purple again. I shouldnít. I know Iím overdoing it, but fuck it, it makes me happy. I smack my lips, the color is dark, but shiny and it makes my lips ďpopĒ.

I then fix my hair. I wish it wasnít so dark a purple. And so itís not. Today itís bright purple a shade that outside of perhaps a Hibiscus flower would never be seen in nature. I smile and fix my hair, brushing it to the left and with the help of some hold, curl it up. Itís pops up in just the right place. Once my hair is fixed, I rush with giddy delight back to my bed. I pull out one of the objects in it and my heard pounds so badly I feel a cry coming on but I shove it down. I canít stop grinning despite the anxiety and dance to the mirror. I take them and slowly place them, while making sure not to disturb my hair. I want to sob but I donít want my makeup to run. I somehow manage to hold it all in. But I love them, my purple cat ears, on of them almost hidden by my swoosh of hair, making it all the cuter.

I look back in the box, uncertain what to grab next. I choose the heels. Sleek, black, with purple highlights. He could have chosen something with longer heels but they are simple, short, but with an elegant lattice of laces.  Again, knowing Iím overdoing it, I paint my nails, finger and feet, a darker but glossy purple. Itís absurd. Itís sill, but I look at the mirror and playfully hiss, pretending to claw at it. I laugh. Itís simple and stupid but I simply donít give a fuck. With my heels now on, I pull out my skirt. Its tight at the butt yet flares out a bit just a bit lower. Itís simple and black. Itís also easy to know which way it goes, with the hole in it. I fit it and twirl. itís short, barely reaching my upper thighs but I love it. Next comes my bra. I know itís almost pointless to put it on, but it completes the ensemble. Itís black, like the skirt, a sexy little silk bralette that melds to my skin and feels wonderful. My nipples harden at the touch of the fabric. I then put on the simple low cut silk white blouse. My bralette shows, just a bit, hinting and teasing that there is more underneath.

I can barely breathe as I walk back as now there are but two items left. A heavy metal bulb with a beautiful purple gem at the tapered base, pierced with a small hook. Beside it, a 3 foot long purple tail, with a white tuft at the end. I pick up the metal plug, weighing perhaps a quarter pound. Itís only three inches long but over 4 inches around at itís widest. The purple jewel almost perfectly matches my eye-shadow, faint, but clearly visible. I take some KY and coat the tip, raising my skirt up as I bend over. I barely lube myself, just one finger dipping inside my ass. Then I bite my lip just a bit as I push it in. It feels right there. I feel right. I then tenderly pick up my tail and hook it to the plug. Taking care as I pull down my skirt and thread it through the hole, I straighten it out. I rush to the mirror, twirling and laughing and crying hysterically all at the same time. The tears donít touch my makeup though. My eyes donít get puffy nor red as I am overwhelmed in the moment.

In the mirror it isnít me. I know it isnít me, but at the same time I know what I see in the mirror is the most beautiful girl Iíve ever seen. I am happy, despite the tears and the fears. I am a glorious and sexy kitty cat. I feel delicious and sexy and grown up and yet like a child all at once. I ignore the contradictions as tonight is not the night to consider such things. Instead I face the door with trepidation. I know what lies beyond it. Taking a deep breathe, I step through the door, and I almost bolt as I hear the gasps. I should be embarrassed. Iím a woman. I feel like a child. Iím dressed with cat ears and a kitty cat tail and Iíve never been happier than at this moment in my life. Then they applaud, praising me, telling me I look beautiful, or sexy, or amazing. I feel something I havenít felt in such a long time. Love.

The room is filled with faces Iíve never seen and never will. With faces I dream of every night. But not a one of them has ever hurt me. Iíve hurt them, or I will, but they have never hurt me. Stephen is there. The first man who ever loved me. He shouldnít be here. I hurt him so bad, but just for tonight heís forgiven me. I see gentle Graham. He tries to act tough and rough but I know heís a softy. Next to him are my other two guys. Jim and Dlord. Both so strong. Jim could hurt me so bad, but he never would. Dlord there, always eager to satisfy and play and just simply talk.

I smile at the only other woman in the room, Lizzy. Sheís more beautiful than me by far, inside and out. Sheís what I wish I could be. Strong, powerful, in control. Yet vulnerable. Iím gonna disappoint her so hard but I love everything about her. If I was better, sheíd be my role model. Eljohn is there as well. Always checking on me. Telling me beautiful lies about myself. They arenít lies to him but they are still lies. Except for today.

And last is the man who sent me my present. Jeremiah. I dash among all of them, hugging and squeezing, but I save my first kiss and later, my last, for him. I wouldnít likely have this dream without him. I purr as he strokes my face as we kiss deeply, his kitty. But Iím not here just for him, Iím here for them all just as they are all here for me.

Instead, I walk over to Stephen. I know I could ask forgiveness and snap my fingers and have it, but I donít deserve that. I donít deserve his touch. But I allow myself to feel it once again. I kiss him deeply as everyone else sits down. He blushes at the crowd but I wipe any fear away. Instead I slowly peel his clothes away. First his shirt, then his belt. Caught up in the moment, everyone else dissolves away as he cups my chest, soft in silk. I unzip him and jerk his pants down. He slowly pulls me to the floor with him, unbuttoning some of my buttons, until he can easily grasp a breast and pull it free, sucking on my nipple. I feel his weight on me, warm and reassuring. I part my lets as my skirt is pushed up and she slides into me with ease. I grunt and pull him tighter against me as he fucks me as no man before him ever had. With gentle tenderness and love. Any other night and this would be intimate and wonderful but nothing more than that. But tonight is different. Tonight is special. Tonight, I can feel the warmth grow in me, as we simply make love. Tender, my satiny skin gliding against his. Pushing in and out of me, taking his time as we kiss and simply enjoy each others bodies. The small kindling grows quickly, a fire growing in me, spreading throughout my body, my nerves alive with tingling Iíve never felt without being hurt. I moan in his ear that I never meant to hurt him and he kisses me tells me he knows. Then his body stiffens as mine arches as we cum together for the very first time. We lie there tangled together before he pulls out of me, shaking his head but smiling as he looks at the tail Iíve ďgrownĒ. He gets up and we look at each other sadly and we kiss once more, for the final time. Our paths forever diverging once again. Pain in both our hearts. But both of us perhaps richer for it. I pray he feels that way as he leaves.

As the door shuts, everyone gets up, surrounding me. Graham wipes me clean as Lizzy straightens up my clothing, then they all close in on me, hugging me tight. This is the closest to home Iíve felt in so long. I smile and start kissing everyone around me, but my boys have a hungry look upon them.

Graham, Dlord, and Jim surround me, and I happily spin from one to the other, kissing them in turn. My boys run their hands over me, making me gasp as my tail is tugged or admired. My purr is loud as I shake that same tail at them, or glide my body and chest against theirs. I kneel before Graham and take him in my mouth, my head bobbing up and down on his cock, loving that he simply loves me loving him. I then spin to Dlord and do the same for him as well, our eyes locked as he pushes into my throat, stroking my hair, then pulling away, a trailing line of drool connecting us. Jim is hungry for his turn as he takes my head and starts fucking it, mashing my nose against his stomach as he pumps furiously against my throat. My nose begins to run as my eyes drip tears, my breathing labored. He tests me but then pulls me off. Iím struggling to get air and he just holds me for a second and I know heís simply feeding my need. Deep down, he wishes it could be different but he knows and understands who I am. So instead, we kiss, softly, tenderly.

Then turning, Graham, suddenly on fire, lifts me up into his arms. I feel my skirt unzipped and it is tossed to the floor as we make out. Then Iím dropped to my feet as my guys devour me, stripping me of everything but my ears, my heels, and my tail. Jim stands behind and grips my plug firmly, pushing it in a bit before jerking it out. I scream, legs trembling, as he shows it to me and I lean over, cleaning my plug, before he carefully hands it to Jeremiah. Then he lays on the floor and asks, no tells me, to sit on his cock. I nod meekly, but excitedly, as I obey him. I spread my cheeks, as Iím facing away with him when I feel his hands on my hips. They stroke my sides tenderly, then I scream as he pulls me down, filling me with his length in a single thrust.

Graham sees me in pain and lust and smiles, holding my face tenderly, then pushing me back, until Iím prone on top of Jim. He pushes into my pussy and I moan, wrapping my legs against him and Jim, both of them thrusting into me again and again. I quiver in delight until Dlord stands over me, and we both smile at one another. He pushes his cock into my waiting and eager mouth and then all of my boys are fucking me, a weird mix of rough and tender, all at once. My ass burns from the pounding Jim gives me, Iím dripping wet around Graham, and Iím drooling bad around Dlordís cock. It should be awkward and out of rhythm but itís not. Everyone is moving fluidly together and it is heaven. I should feel guilty for not being with just one but Iím selfish and I want and need their attention and even more so their caring. It is sensual as we become one, writhing and grinding and fucking roughly and fucking gently and simply being with one another. Dlord plays with my chest as my mouth is pumped as Jim holds me tight as if Iím gonna run from him and Graham just wants to know Iím happy. They all do. Itís honestly all they want and I hate myself briefly for that. But I suck up their love and attention and as each of them begin to shudder, they fill me up as well. I feel it first in my pussy, the cock grinding against the thin membrane enhancing the feeling for both of us and he explodes in me. Soon after, Jim and Dlord fill me as well as I hungrily suck Dlord clean, holding and clinging to him as Jim and Graham cling to me. We all slump to the floor together, sweaty, exhausted, but kissing and playing and teasing one another.

Then Lizzy steps forward and orders me to clean myself and I nod at her. I kiss my guys quickly as they get comfortable as I wipe myself clean and pristine again. She tells me to face my guys and I do, spreading a bit as she kicks my feet apart. I feel her tender and yet insanely firm hand run along my back as she holds my neck and shoves my tail back in me. I grunt, looking back and hugging her as she completes me again. Itís soft, and tender, and I see how amazing she is as she steps back, brushing my hair out of my face. Lizzy and me make out, kissing, as I follow her lead. She puts clips on my nipples and clit, chaining them together, playfully tugging on them as she kneels before me. She starts fingering me, firmly, holding me, as two, then three, then four fingers expertly love my sex. I quiver, shuddering as I spin around, licking and eating her as her hand pumps against me, whimpering as she curls her thumb. I nibble at her clit, then moan, then grunt in pain as more and more of her first fills me, finally popping in my vagina and stretching it both painfully and wonderfully. We are women, both tender, her strong as still yet never pushing beyond what I can take and I scream and shudder as I go down on her as her fist pumps in me, deeper and deeper. I spasm against her hand, sucking on her clit, her hand in my hair pushing me down on her, her fist pounding my cervix as we both cum hard, gushing against my lips as my juices coat her hand. I curl up against her for a bit as we kiss so soft. Finally I stand up, my legs weak, my lips parted. I clean myself up as I walk and sit next to Eljohn.

He strokes my back and I purr as I sit on his lap. Our lips meet, delicately at first, then with passion, as he has me straddle him. We make out furiously, as he plays with my chest, reaching behind to slap my ass as I take him in me. I ride him hard as he bucks and quivers under me, then spinning me around onto my hands and knees. I feel him line up as he fucks me, hard but not brutal or mean. Just a rough passion that inflames us both. His touch comforts me as he reams my pussy, often playing with my tail. I moan and buck harder against him, trembling with desire and need. He rides me like a wild filly and I love it, submitting and taking it as he fills my pussy with his cock and not much later his seed. I pull off him and clean him up, loving his smile as I do so. I want to say so much to him but I canít. Instead itís easier to clean myself and look away. Leaving things unsaid. I then look over at Jeremiah.

Itís like looking at an odd mirror, as every smile I spout, one grows on his face. Though Iím tired from all the fucking and sex, I still feel alive in a way I never have and never will again. I playfully get on my hands and knees,  crawling towards him, making sure to work my hips to make my tail flex and move. I crawl to him, submissively, but of my own free will. My own choosing. Iím not just a kitty. Iím his kitty but he lets me be free, lets me kiss and love because seeing me happy makes him happy. Just as making him happy makes me happy. I crawl to his feet and unzip him. He starts to pull me up be I refuse, hissing jokingly, as I push him back and go down on him.

Itís not a blowjob that I give Jeremiah, not exactly. I donít just kiss his cock, or gobble it or fuck my face with it. I melt against it as if it is a part of me. I massage his balls as I bob up and down gently, barely sucking on it. Iím not trying to make him cum. Itís not about orgasms. Itís about me being where I belong, doing what I enjoy, making him feel good. The seconds turn into minutes as I just alternate, sometimes taking him slowly deep, often just licking and kissing. He looks happy with his sub and that makes me feel good and right. There is nothing wrong with where I am, nothing shameful being at his feet. He strokes my hair with care, scratching my ears, sometimes playing with my tail, pulling it taunt, till it feels like it might pop out, but never letting it. After so long, he finally pulls me up to his lap and this time I donít fight him. Instead, I part my legs as I kiss him, softly, firmly, nibbling at his lips as I begin to ride him. Itís what I need and he knows it, gentle, loving, with occasional painful sudden deep thrusts so I donít forget who is in charge. I kiss him deeper as we slow fuck on the couch, until he cums deep in me. We cling there for a moment until the glow fades away and I curl up on his lap. Jim sits beside him and lays my head on his lap as Eljohn strokes my legs.

Iím surrounded and I donít fear anything as Iím touched and held and fucked again and again all night. Sometimes itís so rough Iím left in tears, then held until my shaking stops. Sometimes itís the gentlest of sex, intimate and personal. Often itís a wildly varying medium as Iím taken again and again. No. Iím not taken. Iím giving myself to them all. And everything is right in that world. I fall asleep in a naked pile of people who care about me, they donít think the kitty is silly. They donít hate or judge. So, I curl up, and go to sleep. Happy.

But then I wake up and the real world intrudes. Iím not a sexy kitten as I get out of bed and look at myself. Iím a shattered mirror that cuts me every time I try to glue or tape a piece down to fix it. As I try to mold the shit into something half decent. Something that can pass for human. That can fake a smile. I know deep down, itíll always be a dream. Iíll always disappoint. I'm tired, always tired. Everything hurts and yet nothing does. I'm so fucking tired.

But when I close my eyes again, maybe I can go there once again, and be happy.

January 17, 2017, 10:32:36 PM
Reply #1

Offline brokenwing

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January 17, 2017, 11:25:25 PM
Reply #2

Offline KgC120

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Ararria, my sweet,

You are a very, very talented writer and a sweet person to chat with. Miss you.

Kayla  :\'(